Metro Football Pool

Clutch is to Dan ‘the Man’ Carpenter. I know the Giant’s giant blunder is a hot topic this week, but one that has received little attention (and is dear to me) is that Carpenter somehow managed to flub all four field goals he attempted which in turn helped eliminate any playoff dreams for the Dolphins (and my fantasy football team). The laces were out, Ray Finkle! C’mon Dan!!

Speaking of clutch, both Mike Smirch and Marty Engleman managed to shoot in the 70’s. This would be pretty solid if you were playing golf, but not so much in week 15 of our pool. Hopefully you guys can put some better numbers on the board next week… more so Mike, since Marty is in the Hot Tub.

Campbell played extremely conservative with his wager this week. I would have thought his quantitative intuition would have guided him in a better direction in knowing his competition. Since everyone wagered up on an easy Chicago pick, he dropped into 4th opening the door for MW, Rob, and Sampson.

Vince had the high score… the Hot Tub is Boyle-ing! Also worth noting is that I’m back on top (I know… not very surprising). For all those who send me comments like “I’m going to catch you.”, “I’m climbing the ladder.”, “Can you hear my footsteps in the winter breeze?” here are my responses in order: “You’re too slow.”, “You’re climbing in the wrong direction.”, “No, I have my ear muffs on.”

There is a Thursday and Saturday game this week. If you keep screwing up Thursday, you now also have the opportunity to screw up Saturday. This means if you don’t submit until Sunday it’s -16 + -15 (-31). Good luck this week and hope everyone has a happy holiday!

…Jet’s strength coach Sal Alosi certainly was when it came to laying out Nolan Carroll on the sidelines. Another solid week from a classy Jet’s organization!

Speaking of getting tripped up, Gary forgot to submit his Thursday pick (again) and was also the only one to gamble big on the Texans. While I can’t fault Gary for his intentions, I can say that he’s sucking harder in the pool than a hoover right now. The Texans deserved to win last night, but as Clint Eastwood said in Unforgiven, “deserves got nothing to do with it”.

Brittany posted the high score this week by a long shot. It was her b-day week and she seemed poised for a rebound. To Brittany… did I call it or what! While she’s still out of the running for the time being, the standings are being shaken up each week. Big MW now sits in a tie for 1st in the regular pool while Nancy’s ‘lucky, no skill required’ streak continued in the Hot Tub.

We have 3 more weeks of regular season games before the playoffs start. The next two will feature Thursday games… Gary. Good luck and don’t forget to submit your picks on time!

Back to back weeks of some embarrassing Monday night games. Mark Sanchez must have been taking notes from Derek Anderson about throwing completions to the other team. The Jets got pounded and I think their fluky record may have been exposed. Rex Ryan commented that the NFL “deserves a better game” (thank you Mr. Obvious), but as far as the pool is concerned it was really Tom that was deprived. Tom made a bold move on the Jets which led him pretty far south (ha!). He was too afraid to compete in the Hot Tub and will now just float around in irrelevance for the rest of the season. Peter cooled off the Hot Tub average and was technically the low score if you negate the fact that Gary had to take a -16 for missing the Thursday night game.

As far as winners are concerned, next to Tom Brady there is no one hotter than Ryan Huey right now (or anytime really). OK, so I didn’t have the high score but I do sit in 1st in the Hot Tub thanks to two solid weeks. I’m feeling kind of Campbellesque. Nancy posted the overall high score of 133 while Rich led the ‘regular’ pool with a 128.

The pools are extremely close and it’s still anyone’s game (except Tom). We need to collect some dinero from a few Hot Tub participants… you know who you are and there is no more testing the waters. Also, Thursday night games occur every week until further notice… don’t forget to get your picks in on time. Good luck!

The Hot Tub feels great… definitely a way better environment than the main show. Derek Anderson should consider jumping in and relaxing some. I would have laughed at myself too after having an epiphany that I sucked. Actually, I think I did this a couple times today already. Have a whamburger and some french cries along with a cold Whineken.

For those of you dumb enough to bet on Arizona (yea… I can say that this week), ha! One guy that isn’t laughing is Sampson who bet big on the Dere-lict and suffered a severe fall into 3rd as Big MW hurdled into 2nd and Campbell reclaimed his throne. Lori had a pretty rough week, but on a positive note, a very nice holiday. However, what’s the point of even living if you’re failing in the pool. This is not something to sit on the sidelines and laugh at… do better! You too, Anne… no one wants to bring up the rear of the Hot Tub.

John posted the high score of 141 gaining 6 spots and now sitting in 4th. While there seems to be a slight drop off in performance in the Hot Tub, Hytree and Huey started off on fire (normally I don’t do honorable mentions but this week was a good exception). Don’t forget to submit your picks by Thursday… Monday night is going to be a tough one!!

Big MW posted this week’s high of 142. Although this helps his cause, he’s still having some trouble chasing down the lead. This situation repeats itself numerous times throughout a typical MW day. Sampson on the other hand, has gained control of the highly coveted 1st place spot. This marks the first week that Sean Campbell has not held the position this season. Sampson is like a spider monkey.

I fully understand that Tom was rolling the dice with a 16 point gamble on Denver given his irrelevance in the pool (because I’m one of the few people ranked lower). However this still seemed like a passion play… and a dumb one. Chilly also made a lot of irrational decisions this season (Brett Favre, Randy Moss, not admitting that he’s worthless, etc.) and draws the best comparison to Tom.

Also, since we’re on a roll with predicting coaching changes… how long will Tony Sparano be leading the Delfines de Miami. The most productive player on that team is the kicker and he didn’t even get a shot at a field goal this past week! Garbage.

Please remember that this week begins the Hot Tub (there’s also a note on the Weekly Picks page). If you want a fresh start, send in your picks as normal and include a message that you want to shift over to the Hot Tub (aka the ‘Special Pool for Special People’). You then owe an additional $5. Please see the rules page if you need more info. Have a great Thanksgiving and don’t forget to send your picks in on time (before the first game starts Thursday).

Most of us finally got a wager game correct, but who could have predicted the beat down that Vick unleashed last night (think there might be a couple puns in that sentence). What didn’t help so much was that the once predictable Cowboys might throw a monkey wrench into the equation again. Pretty surprising that they instantly look like a new team in less than a week of coaching changes… I wonder if this will happen in Minnesota too?

I debated about naming this post ‘The Fall of Campbell’ but figured I’d err on the positive. I’ll try to describe what happened this week using the depiction to the left… this one’s for you Kim, who has been silenced this season by her own crappy performance. Campbell (represented by the lion as the King of the Pool thus far) was comfortably cruising along in 1st with few worries. He snoozed right through Thursday night, forgot to submit his picks on time and had to take a -14 for that game in addition to not posting his typically Vegas tromping selections. Sampson (represented by the burly man whose biceps are a few inches smaller than mine) took advantage of Campbell’s lax effort and pulled a sneak attack from Campbell’s rear (figuratively). It’s shaping up to be another epic pool finale!

We will be having Thursday night games for a while. If you didn’t gather the moral of the story… the best way to protect your rear is to stay on top. Picks and due dates are typically posted on Tuesday mornings so no excuses. Also, Week 12 will be the beginning of the Hot Tub, so start finalizing your decision and saving for your $5 investment. Good luck!

Before going into the the weekly winner/loser discussion, a few important announcements (that way you can skip the crap if you normally don’t partake in reading these literary masterpieces). Please read these:

1. Thursday night games crank up this week. These games are a ‘FU’ from the NFL since most of us can’t enjoy. All of your picks must be turned in before these games begin so please make sure to get your pick sheets in by Thursday. Pick sheets are always posted by Tuesday morning. Also, if you have friends outside the US, I have figured out a cheaper way to watch at home if interested.

2. You will notice that the current standings page has been updated due to a few requests from some nerds for ‘more stats’. Nerds are my friends so I gladly obliged. A few columns have been added for more personalized stats and the table is now sortable by columns, searchable by name, etc. It is awesome.

3. Hot Tub time is coming around and it will be nice for a fresh opportunity. Your decision must be made when submitting your picks on Week 12 (this will be the first Hot Tub week). If you don’t know what I’m talking about go to the rules page and read up. I’m going European style (pink speedo) this year if that entices anyone…

… more to come…

Peter must have felt pretty good about this week. He spent the past several days collecting signatures for the stats 2010 petition. Fortunately for all of us, he acquired just enough… 2. He was also quick to point out that he posted the top score thanks to the help of the new and improved table. Nice work but your power rating is still soft!

There are a couple big losers this week. We could talk about the Cowboy’s debacle (bye Wade) but Gary’s 29 earns this week’s Ocho-stinko award. Gary used to be good at this pool (I think) but this season he’s really sucked (liked Ochocinco). There are only a handful of people playing that I can actually say that to. I think the problem is focus… spend more time preparing and less time primping, otherwise you will live in the shadow of someone greater. Write that down.

Good luck this week and don’t forget to get all picks in by Thursday!

It’s been difficult to see Meghan falter in the pool and I couldn’t take it anymore. So in a heroic and selfless act, I willingly posted the low score of an 18 this week. I know… pretty awesome of me. However, I can’t take all the credit because I couldn’t have done it without the support of Jerry’s goons. The Cowgirl defense made David Gerrard look like Joe Montana. They’ve gotta win one more this year… right!?!? Don’t cry Wade, Jerry ran the stats and determined it makes little sense to switch coaches mid season. That means you have 9 more games before needing to pack your bags.

Lori and Keith turned in the top results this week with 82’s! Very nice! Lori, I know how much you wanted a western themed Super Bowl featuring the Cowboys and Colts… the Colts look like they have a good shot of getting to Dallas and I’m sure a lot of the Cowboys will attend to watch whomever they end up playing.

Hopefully next week I can resume making fun of other people. Good luck and don’t forget to submit your picks on time!

I received a ‘heads up’ from a few participants that… again… I’m not really funny and am apparently doing a piss poor job at serving up smack. They also said that I’ve lost my touch from last season. I will not argue the accuracy of these comments, but this is hurtful stuff. Before you get your panties too wadded up, Linda, let me just say that it’s difficult to talk crap when you’re only separated from the weekly loser by about 5 points pretty much every week. That said, I’ll view this as constructive criticism and try to make this a more enjoyable experience… just hope you don’t end up on the bottom the rest of the season.

You guys also put me in a tight jam this week because now I have to hang my own brother. Dave… a 27… really?? Your picks made about as much sense as a poem from Kim on her best day. Remember, you have a noble cause in winning this thing; turn in another goose and you’ll be riding spinners on your Huffy for a few extra months. Lesley… Dave didn’t know it was your bday last week but you should still thank him.

Congrats to Kevin and George for turning in the highs. George, I’d try to limit what you might have in common with Kevin. I’m not trying to profile, but he does drive a sexy convertible with a pink soccer ball magnet on his bumper (this is a completely accurate statement). I’m not sure what this means but I try not to think about it.

Deven, while I appreciated your assurance of a Cowboy victory this past week, I will not be picking them the rest of the year. This might come as good news for Jerry Jones because they will probably start winning now. Good luck and don’t forget to submit your picks before trick-or-treating!

While this pic represents how I feel when I think about the pool/football this year, Junior Seau’s cliff dive better symbolizes Kartik’s busted 33. Junior and Kartik are both losers (this week), but Kartik does have a slight chance to climb back up and redeem himself. On the other hand, Seau probably needs to attempt this again.

Bill Hytree might be statistically irrelevant for conversations relating to this pool, but out of duty we will honor him as our weekly winner. He’s the only one who broke 100 and is obviously just warming up for the hot tub. I personally like to cool down and then get in which is why I’m intentionally losing.

Good luck this week and don’t forget to submit your picks on time!